Mat & Ash

#ad The wound of rejection creates the feeling of being innately unlovable. This video demonstrates a partner who is overcompensating for their wound and rejecting/pushing away their partner in order to avoid being the one that's rejected in the relationship. In order to heal, they have to learn to find safety in their sense of self - independent from their actions. A supportive partner can communicate their love for them and help them learn that they won't be rejected or "seen as unworthy of love" because of their actions. This safety allows them to take accountability without it threatening their identity or ability to be loved. - The Inner Work of Relationships book will guide you through all 15 stages of healing so you can build a conscious healthy relationship together. It's available on TikTok shop and Amazon! #theinnerworkofrelationships #relationshipadvice #relationshipproblems #rejection #marriageissues #marriageadvice #couplescounseling #relationshiptips #selfhelpbooks #supportivepartner

#ad Ash is acting our the role of someone who is undercompensating for a wound of rejection. This is the opposite of the previous video where Mat acted out the overcompensating wound of rejection. Check both videos out so you can see the different defense mechanisms! Someone who under compensates for this wound has internalized their past rejection and now begins to reject themselves and anticipate future rejection. They believe they are unlovable and perpetuate self-deprecating and self-sabotaging behaviors. They constantly fear abandonment and doubt their partner's expressions of love. They often see conflict and accountability as proof of their unworthiness and fear that they will ultimately be rejected. They tend to focus on their own self hate and begin to question their worth in difficult conversations. As a supportive partner, communicating love and intent to stay and work on this together is crucial. - for more guidance on how to heal this wound and support your partner, The Inner Work of Relationships is available on TikTok shop and Amazon #innerwork #relationshipproblems #relationshipissues #relationshiptips #relationshipadvice #marriageadvice #rejection #couplescounseling #communicationskills #selfhelptips #theinnerworkofrelationships

Moving three cats and a baby from Hawaii to South Carolina. Sold our house fully furnished and bought a new house sight unseen! Still can’t believe we did this! 🤯 #movingvlog #movingtosouthcarolina #familyvlog #southcarolina #travelingwithababy #travelingwithbabies #newparentslife

This is how a lot of people view relationships and their partner. The intolerance for mistakes, wounded behavior, and low seasons of life is truly sabotaging the possibility of having a healthy relationship with your partner. These are some of the comments that we see often and particularly in response to videos about uncovering the root of "toxic behaviors". Relationships are often where we see "toxic" or wounded behaviors come up and where we can make the most healthy changes - if both partners are willing to do the work and support each other in the process. *this does not apply to situations of abuse* - The Inner Work of Relationships book will guide you through the healing process and teach you skills like this to build a conscious healthy relationship. It's available on Amazon #theinnerworkofrelationships #relationshipadvice #marriageadvice #theinnerwork #couplescounseling #toxicrelationship #woundedrelationships #relationshiptips #healthyrelationships #selfhelptips #communicationskills

After living on the Big Island for eight years we’re moving to South Carolina. Why? 1) We lived on an active volcano. In 2018 the volcano erupted just walking distance from our home. Hundreds of homes were lost in our neighborhood. We decided to continue living in this area despite the PTSD surrounding the lava, however our nervous systems never truly settled. The earthquake activity and continuous eruptions in this area definitely kept us on high alert. Owning a home in lava one zone means you accept one day you could lose your home to the Goddess Pele. For a time we were okay with that but after having Atreyu we knew it couldn’t be our forever home. 2) We lived in a very remote location compared to what most people are accustomed to. Living on an island can be challenging in and of itself. On top of that where we lived about 45 minutes from the main town which made things like Home Depot runs a whole day event with traffic. For the past eight years this location has provided solitude and the ideal writing conditions for The Inner Work books to flow through us. However, the solitude while nourishing for writing, did have an effect on our mental health after years of isolation and we felt it was time to reintegrate into a more conventional lifestyle again. 3) The rain. It rains about half the year at our house. We are sunshine people and the everyday gloom can seriously get to us. We would regularly commute two hours across the island to visit the white sandy beaches and get sunshine. For a while we contemplated moving to Kona which would solve a lot of our concerns like weather, convinence, reiteration into society. However l, cost of living. 4) Hawaii is expensive. 5) The most important reason that finally pushed us to move was having our son. We wanted to be near family. We wanted access to amenities. We didn’t want to raise him in solitude. The first eight months of his life were magical and we spent them alone just the three of us in our jungle bungalow. These are memories we will forever cherish. But we are so happy excited to be living near Ash’s parents now and to have family and support everyday. South Carolina is absolutely beautiful. The weather actually reminds of a lot of Hawaii. The people are so kind and there is a target and a grocery store less than a mile from our house. We chose a home that still felt close to nature but simultaneously had all the modern convenices. It’s the best of both worlds. It feels balanced and cozy. We aren’t the people we were when we moved to Hawaii. Those versions of us were running away from something. We healed in Hawaii and now we feel ready to embrace all the things we thought we needed to run away from. The suburbs never tasted so sweet. 🤌 #familyvlog #southcarolina #movingday #newparents #movingvlog

We bought a house sight unseen in South Carolina and this is day two of traveling to get there from Hawaii. Unfortunately, our baby did get sick halfway through at our over night layover in LA. The journey was a two day event with three flights, two layovers, one over night stay and a theee hour drive. #movingvlog #movingday #familyvlog #movingtosouthcarolina #southcarolina #travelingwithababy #sickbaby #travelingwithababi

We did it! We moved three cats and a baby across the ocean 4k+ miles. And we vlogged the whole thing! Stay tuned! #movingday #familyvlog #moving #southcarolina #newparents #weremoving

Don’t lie, you can’t get this song out of your head either lol.

All our "unhealthy" traits or actions are rooted in a subconscious wound and ultimately maintained because we do not feel innately loved by ourselves or we don't feel loved by our partner. This causes us to act against or seek more love from our partner - both come from our inner child really just wanting to be seen, supported, and loved. This knowledge of WHY we have these tendencies is the first step in actually making change. Being curious about ourselves and our partner's experience and emotions is how we create understanding and accountability together. *This doesn't include situations of abuse* Phrases like "what are you seeking from me" or "what answers are you looking for" help us understand what they are really seeking/asking for in the moment and ultimately get to the root of why. This does not mean we have to meet this need within our partner or that we are just accepting this behavior, it's simply a skill that increases curiosity and understanding so that we can start working on solutions and communication that heals the relationship. - The Inner Work of Relationships book can help you learn the WHY behind your relationship issues and work toward healing together. It's available on TikTok shop and Amazon! #theinnerworkofrelationships #relationshipadvice #marriageadvice #healthyrelationships #relationshiptips #selfhelptips #selfawareness #innerchildhealing #relationshiphelp #datingadvice

On our last night in our Hawaii home we were blessed with a full rainbow blessing over our property. Hearts are full. 🌈🙏 #movingvlog #movingday #movingtosouthcarolina #familyvlog

#ad Someone with a wound of judgement tries to avoid perceived mistakes and can become very outwardly controlling or critical of themselves and others. People who experience this type of overcompensation find safety in controlling outcomes or actions of their partner. This type of judgement is often subconscious, but can play a big role in relationship issues. - To learn how to heal this wound, The Inner Work of Relationships book is available on Amazon! #theinnerwork #theinnerworkofrelationships #relationshipadvice #relationshipissues #marriageissues #couplesadvice #relationshiptips #selfhelptips #relationshipbooks #selfhelpbooks #marriageadvice #innerchildhealing

We bought a home sight unseen in South Carolina and moved with our three cats and baby from Hawaii to be close to our family. This is day one of our new life in the south! So far we LOVE it and we love the people!! Give us all the tips and best spots to visit. #southcarolina #thesouth #movingtothesouth #justmoved #movingvlog #familyvlog #newhouse #newhome #hometour #golfcourselife

10 months postpartum and the fog is lifting. #postpartum #newborn #newparents #marriage